My friend asked me to write my testimony for his website, and I agreed to do so. However, I had thoughts like I really have nothing to offer because my coming to Christ was not a “burning bush” type of experience, or that it would not be interesting to anyone else. I read Romans 12:4 and I was reminded that though I might have had a different experience, everyone is significant. With this in mind, my story follows:

Although raised in a “religious” home, I never had a relationship with Jesus Christ or knew His word; but then again, why would I want to know a punishing, judgmental God that I could never please. I think even as a child I knew I was a sinner, but because of my perception of Him, I thought I could never do enough to “earn” my way into heaven.
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As a result, when I married and left home, I quit trying and never set foot in church again (except for funerals, weddings and occasionally on Christmas or Easter). I proceeded to live a life of dysfunction, chaos and immorality while raising a child in a godless home. I won’t bore you with all the details, but suffice it to say, I led a life devoid of any spirituality or meaningful belief.

I believed that as long as I didn’t steal or kill someone, I could probably make it to heaven, if not, I would probably meet all my friends in hell anyway. I never actually denied there being a God, but I couldn’t be sure there was one either; I guess I was agnostic. I used work, relationships, sex, money, alcohol (and not necessarily in that order) in an effort to fill the void in my life, but these were all temporary fixes that left me feeling even worse than before.

One day, I went to hear my brother-in-law preach in a nearby city. He asked for a show of hands of those who wanted to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.
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Well, with all heads bowed and eyes closed, I meekly rose my hand, still not knowing if it was what I really wanted or even what it meant, but something told me I should do it. I didn't know this was the beginning of change for me, it happened slowly. I continued living the only way I knew and had even more turmoil, mostly because I was too stubborn to give it over to Him (or anyone else for that matter). I prided myself on being a “strong” person who didn’t need help from anyone and that I could handle anything that came along. Eventually, through a series of events, I found a church I felt comfortable attending and have done so for the past 6 or 7 years. However, that isn’t the end of the story, I still did it my way.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I began listening and reading and learning more about who God is, and during this time he remained so patient with me. I can look back now and see His ever so gentle prodding which I ignored or chalked up to coincidence. After some time of ignoring his goodness, He decided it was time to use a large club to get my attention, and things really began to fall apart for me.
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There were two more failed marriages that included physical and emotional abuse by alcoholic/addicted spouses, financial bankruptcy, further loss of self-esteem and a feeling of complete and utter emptiness. It was only then that I began looking to Him for comfort and answers, because I didn’t know where else to turn. Even though He was my “last resort”, He did not let me down. I’ll never forget reading James 1:2-4 and realizing that the Lord put these trials before me to get my attention and to draw me closer to Him because He loves me so much. This scripture, along with Romans 8:28, has made a tremendous impact on my life and has gotten me through many tough times.

Today, the God of my youth is gone. My God is loving, caring and desires only good things for me. I know I can count on Him always because He will never leave me or forsake me. The Lord is still working on me and I like what He’s done. I believe I’ll stand back and let Him continue, because “He who began a good work in me, will be faithful 'til completed” (Phil:6). With that, I give all the praise and glory to Jesus Christ. Amen
P.S. I’m getting baptized on 4/26/01!!! God is good.
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